Saturday Night Jail Cell

“Fuck this, man,” I heard muttered for the hundredth time from the scrawny kid across the room. He got caught buying LSD. He was the only other white guy in the room. He complained that the guard took his hat when he got here. He had a tribal tattoo. His teeth were bleached. His knuckles were busted up. He spit when he talked, and his face turned red far too easily. His ears were pierced, but he had no jewelry in them. His parents would probably pick him up within the hour, tell him they were disappointed, and take him home. I hate him.

How dare he interrupt my thought. Matty is bailing me out in the morning; he’ll be late though. I don’t really care. Matty is not a good friend, not that I am either. He’s flaky; he goes through constant stages of action and regret. He’d come out with me on a Saturday night just like this one, and two days later he’d say shit like ‘I’m getting my life together, I’m not going out with you anymore Cal’ and ‘I’m still here for you, but I don’t wanna deal with your shit’. This would blow over and he’d be at my door the next day. I’m lucky we’re in a period of action.

The oldest man coughed. It was a smoker’s cough, yellow and viscous sounding. I wanted to get him some water. His eyes were set deep beneath his brows. His eyes and teeth were yellowy gold and weak. He joked about not having a better place to stay tonight. I don’t think he had a place to stay any night. He was brought in for ‘public intoxication’ or some bullshit. He didn’t smell like liquor. He didn’t slur his words. He hadn’t spoken to me since LSD kid got here.

Matty and I used to be disgustingly cute; I made him coffee every day and he did our laundry. He was really into film. He likes Stanley Kubrick. He didn’t live with his aunt then. We met in college. Matty dropped out before I did. We were roommates after that. We shared a tiny apartment, one bedroom. We got it because it was cheap and it had a skylight. Whoever got home last had to sleep on the futon instead of the good bed. We usually got home at the same time. He got really into doing blow on Tuesdays.

A kid about my age sat closest to me. I think I’ve seen him before. He might have gone to the same community college I did. I didn’t ask, I don’t like to bring up school if I don’t have to. He had nice shoes. His voice was deeper than I thought it’d be. He told me his name is Jared. To the rest of the world, his name didn’t matter. He’s a blank slate, just another 20 something black kid who ‘couldn’t stay out of trouble’. His personality didn’t matter. I will always remember his name.

There were no windows and I couldn’t find a clock; though I think it was about 4 A.M. I’d gotten in around midnight. I didn’t sleep, I would have dreamt about Matty. The other three in the room were faceless, they’d been here before, they spoke in grunts. They smelled of cigarellos and Castile soap. They were not threatening nor comforting. They were the kind of guys Matty hung out with; he didn’t like to be confronted with personality, just empty entities. I’d tried to become faceless and simple for Matty. I want Matty.

Thankful

I am thankful for myself. 

I did all my work by myself. Most of it was on time. I maintained an average grade in an honors class, which is pretty cool, because that's the equivalent of getting a slightly above average grade in a regulars class. I did a lot of things I wouldn't have done if not for my relentlessness self management and devotion to perfection. Even when I have homework for all of my classes I usually just do English because I get a feeling of accomplishment early on in the next school day. 

I am also thankful for Mr. McCarthy for being a wonderful teacher with an impressive collection of 45's that I am very jealous of. 

I am thankful for Maddy for sharing cookies with me that one time in class, that was cool.

I am not thankful for Eleanor because she won't go out with me. 

Then He is Dead?

For the payout that Macbeth and Lady Macbeth received, their actions were definitely not worthwhile. In order to make their multiple murderous, deceitful, and immoral acts worth it, there would need to be a much better reward than being temporarily king and having to worry about mutiny and being succeeded by someone out of your bloodline. If Macbeth were to rule for the rest of his life, and perhaps not go insane with guilt (this applies to Lady Macbeth as well), and not have to worry about being murdered, and rule over faithful subjects, and not have to kill his closest friends in order to prevent being succeeded by someone besides his own son, the murders and lies would maybe be worth it.

"Macbethish" acts would not be worth doing for me, personally, unless I was assured the unchallenged position of king for the rest of my life (or at least score) and did not have to worry about being murdered or plotted against. Since being king isn't exactly a priority of mine, Macbethish acts might be worth it if one got to be king for less than a lifetime, but I cannot see any situation where it would be worth it to commit murder and other heinous acts and only get to be king for less than a decade. If Macbeth was introduced to us having a desire to be king, and not just presented with the idea by the three witches, it may make more sense for him to go through with the murder of King Duncan. Since it didn't seem very important to him until he was told it would happen, Macbeth's acts were not worth it, as he was only king for a very short time.

No New Tale to Tell

The Pardoners tale is about three men who aim to slay Death, but when they encounter a sum of gold, they forget about their original goal and are overcome by greed. In order for each man to keep the money for himself, they all plot to murder the others. Coincidentally, all of the men end up dying and are thus defeated by their original enemy, Death.

I believe there are only seven stories that have ever been told. They are the following: overcoming the monster, rags to riches, the quest, voyage and return, comedies, tragedies, and rebirth. (See http://lenwilson.us/seven-stories/) Therefore, modern day stories and literature must emulate The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer. For example, The Pardoners Tale, which demonstrates greed and corruption over material goods, is not only seen in modern literature but also in everyday life. We covet material goods and money as if without it there could be no life. The Pardoners Tale shows what happens when greed leads to corruption of the mind, and eventually combat and murder. Bank robbery, petty theft, identity theft, and most of government corruption would not be a problem if greed had lost its potency from Chaucer's times.

Lady Macbeth

Lady Macbeth is introduced to us as determined, fearless, cunning, somewhat heartless, ambitious... all uncommon things to be portrayed in a women in Shakespeare's time. It is Lady Macbeth, not Macbeth himself, that is adamant about their murdering of King Duncan. Where Macbeth is wary of killing the king and would much rather it happen on its own, Lady Macbeth takes matters into her own bloody hands and makes sure Duncan is killed properly and without any possibility for anyone to be suspicious of her husband or herself. Lady Macbeth, until later, keeps a strong head and seems to be unfazed by her murderous, deceitful acts.  In her soliloquy, she exclaims, "And fill me, from the crown to the toe, top-full of direst cruelty!", urging herself to leave all morals and kindness behind in order to get what she wants. She asks to be filled with cruelty, whereas Macbeth is still basically psyching himself out about wronging his king. Lady Macbeth takes charge, unlike what most women were known to do at the time.

Truth

Grendel hears the Shaper's tales and is compelled by them, despite knowing they are untrue. The Shaper uses intense persuasion and propaganda through his songs and music. Even propaganda that is almost obviously untrue grabs many people's attraction. Those "5 Foods You Should Never Eat! Shed 10 lbs. of Belly Fat in Two Weeks!" ads suck. They're obviously not legitimate. Then why is it that people still click on them and stop eating bananas because the Internet told them to? Because propaganda is powerful, especially when the advertiser knows what will attract people. People are paid to make you want to buy things. That's why we're constantly bombarded with advertisements claiming they'll make your skin perfect and your headache better and that this company's food is cheap and good and this company's clothes will make you beautiful. I refuse to believe that people actually think all the propaganda forced upon them is actually true. Despite it's apparent exaggerations and false claims, over and over we buy new products and pay for things that no one needs. In Grendel, the music the Shaper plays is so convincing yet so false that even Grendel, who knows the whole truth, and Hrothgar's men, who at least know what they have done, ignore their known truth and go along with what the Shaper tells them.

Modern Day Grendel

Grendel being a destructive "monster" and killing for the sake of killing relates to modern day natural disasters. Like hurricanes, tornadoes, and earthquakes, Grendel's slaughter of Hrothgar's people is unavoidable; it is unavoidable fate. Especially according to the dragon, Grendel's purpose is to cause terror and thus evoke religion, art, and the furthering of the society of men. He does not kill necessarily to right the wrongs committed by men, but because it is his destiny to destroy. Natural disasters don't occur to avenge the wrongdoings of society, but just purely because that's what happens. Grendel, like natural disasters, kill without direct intention, but are unavoidable, needed, and ineffable things. Precautions can be made to lessen the death toll (evacuation and shelters in the case of natural disasters, warriors like Beowulf and Hrothgar's men in the case of Grendel) but ultimately the occurrence is going to take lives. It's only fate.